A BUNCH OF TURKEYS

The good thing about Thanksgiving is that there is plenty to eat. That can also be a bad thing, however, as people will tend to overdo it a bit. As one of the unfortunate souls stuck in the office today still trying to digest the prior day's meal, we thought a sprinkling of humor might help things along. So without further ado: 1) A man in San Diego calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls San Diego immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" As she hangs up her phone, the old man hangs up on his side and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way." 2) If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! 3) Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks! 4) One hour after Thanksgiving dinner was eaten a teenage son turns to his mother and says, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing." 5) For the first time ever, a blonde an executive from a national bank was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. "Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter. "Didn't it taste good?" her mother asked. "I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!" 6) Just before Thanksgiving, the holding pen was abuzz as Mother Turkey scolded her younger birds. "You turkeys are always into mischief," she gobbled. 'If your grandfather could see the things you do, he'd turn over in his gravy." 7) Can a turkey jump higher than a tall building? Yes, a building can't jump at all! 8) What kind of music did the Pilgrims enjoy? Plymouth Rock! 9) Why can't you take a turkey to church? Because they have fowl language! 10) What happened to the turkey that got into a fight at school? He got the stuffing knocked out of him! 11) Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside! 12) What's blue and covered with feathers? A turkey holding its breath! 13) When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand? On their feet! 14) What did the turkey say to the hunter? Quack, Quack! Finally, we close this article of joviality by asking one final question - how do you hold a turkey in suspense?